04/09/16 0

Self Comtemplation : Options.

By Aulia A. Dhianti in , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I've always been an option in many things.
Believe me, I may not be the brightest person ever, but I do have & fit some qualifications to be the right choice for many things.
I can draw things, have some skills in technologies department, quite smart for someone in my age, got accepted into one (if not the best) of the best university in country, a good listener (well, the good adviser label is still questionable so..) etc etc. Sorry for kinda bragging and getting these things up (yes, this is a slight hint of reliant and insecure self of mine) but I'm really mad now.

Like, really mad.

I had a usual rampage (lol) situation with my parent today, Everything's heated up when I finally said some-words-I-thought-would-be-so-cheesy-eventually, like "Why is everything so unfair to me???" or "Why always my sister who get all privileges???' things. My mom, coldly, answered yes, like it's a normal thing and I should really just accept the truth that my sister is more deserving this than me. She then rambling about how nice my sister was, how she finally got into the same college as I am (while I know that my sister may could never got into the college without my parent 'big' help) and blablabla. My sister has always been in the spotlight in my family. My mom would accompany her anywhere she want, giving all things she needs, willingly to take her lunch everyday to school (yes, and she's still doing this after she got into college.................) etc etc.
Yes, my mom has spoiled my sister that much. And so does my father. My dad is actually a very nice person, someone you could wish to be your father because he IS that nice. But as a good husband as he's always trying to (and to avoid any unnecessary family feud), he's on my mother side.

I do jealous sometimes and let me tell you, it's completely normal. Yes, I do want to be treated as same as my sister. But then again, my rational thinking and judgments back me up, the thought to be a nice first child came up and I'm okay again. But today is exceptional. Today is the day I finally realized that I've always been an option, even in my family.

I'm a family oriented person. I don't hesitate or even complain to go/hanging out with my family like most of my friends are. I like to spend times with them, have this irrational thoughts of worrying of 'if my family dies & i'd be so lonely' stuff, challenging my self for something I don't even know I could for my parent and so on. I've always cherish them in my life as my true gem and they're my priority instead of any kind things in this world. I love my family so much you have no idea.To know that you don't deserve to be treated like the other kid is and not really a priority like you always thought is... Really sad. I feel like I'm being betrayed by my own family.

Being an option is one of the problems I've always faced in life. Like I said before, I've never (or rarely.. Never is a strong word, anyway) been a priority/first choice/first option at many things in life. In love life, I was my ex's second choice when he's confused to chose between me and other girl (I hate this fact so much I regretted my decision to accept his love later on), I was the second option of being the head of one of division in college organisation (while I have the same qualifications as the other one and the president of this organisation, shamelessly, make a joke about this to me. Don't ask me if she's a good fit of a leader or not because I've asked the same question million times from the first time she decided to run the election). I rarely (I do have a few friends who were close to me.. A few..) be a "someone who you could tell everything" kind of friend in any circle of my life. Even in academic stuff, I usually got the second place (yes, I'm actually a very ambitious person but I refuse to admit this....) when I know I could achieve more than this place.

I'm so fed up for always being an option. I do mad, now. I really do. But what upsets me more is the fact that I feel like I'm starting to get used to be the second option and not really mad as I thought I would be about this. I know I'm very emotional right now, crying my heart out, have suicidal thoughts (yes it's true and sorry not sorry for being too drama for you) and so on, but deep down, I feel so light, okay about this and started to 'legitimize' and acknowledge my role as the second option. Oh, crap. What could be worse than this?

So basically, I'm mad for being not (so) mad. No, my rampant thoughts don't go to those who 'second-option'ize me. No. I'm mostly mad at myself. I feel like loser who finally decided to accept my role in this life as the second option, even though I've worked my ass so hard to prove they were wrong, that I have this qualifications as your first choice to my friends, partners and even family. But in the end, I lose the fight. I've just gave up. And it sucks.

I always have this Parsonian thought when I see the world and life.
Everybody has their social functions to balancing the world, even the harshest ones.
I know that being the second place/second option means you filled up the holes in social structures and make the life in balance again. Thus, making you the agent of life (and world) savior.

But once in my life, I do want to feel significant. I want to be significant in my life and the world, as all the first option always be. I want to feel what it's like to have people surround you,  have high hopes to you, just because you're their first choice of everything.. Or anything. I want to be the first priority in someone/other's lives. I want someone/body to acknowledge and choose me because I can and I'm capable of doing somethings that you want. I want to be chosen first. I want to be treated as the top priority. I want to be the first person to cross your mind and your number one solution of your problems.

I know I may sound so self-centered now but trust me, I've compromised many things in life for the sake of others. 

And I've had enough.
And I want to be wanted.
To be loved.
To be respected.
To be someone you hoped for.

Like those of your first choices would and could be.

12/12/15 0

Daily Design : Adoration.

By Aulia A. Dhianti in , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,



 "I always adore you, even on the days you hate yourself." 

Corel Draw X 5//Adobe Photoshop C3. 12/12/2015.




So Diela Maharanie-ish, yes? Yes, I'm a big fan :)
Smell ya later.

0

Daily Design : Beauvoir & Sartre.

By Aulia A. Dhianti in , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

My pc was being fixed last month due to viruses and internal damages. Thankfully, I've backed up my files in the right place, so  all datas, including all of my doodles, can be saved! Phew. Now I'm going to post some of my latest doodles, as I want this blog to be a good storage and gallery of my favorable shits, too :") I'ts such a shame to know that I'm still this amateurish for still using old version of these apps. Oh well, I need more time for learning all of those stuffs, right. Being a college student is a curse.


Catch ya, later!





"I'm mastering my love for you and turning it inwards as a constituent element of myself."
- Letters from young Jean Paul Sartre to Simone de Beauvoir, in the spring of 1929. 
Corel Draw X5//Adobe Photoshop CS 3. 10/10/2015.



15/07/15 0

Self Contemplation : Think.

By Aulia A. Dhianti in , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Cogito Ergo Sum. I think, therefore I exist. - Rene Descartes.




I enjoy thinking deeply lately.


Not because I'm smart.
Not because I'm knowing too much.
Not because I like to brag over my thoughts and like to show it up on my social medias. (I know I know, I'm being such a nosy and noisy for updating so many gibberish statuses these days. Sorry.)



I'm not even sure for how long I've misused my brain up till now. 
Well, I know I never really use my brain to think and make sense properly from the start. Lol, such a pity human being. (Wait, am I really human after all this time? Interesting.)
I never be the smartest in my class back in my high school days. At least I've never felt that way. Because yes, grades can't really guarantee your actual skill, honey. I never believe with my grades. But at least I should've thanked them in first place for getting me a place to study in college later. I passed exams and tests but never really knew what I've learned. Quoting Albert Einstein that said "Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.". What really remains in my head after school years? I'm not saying nothing at all, ok the theories and stuffs still got place in my brain. BUT the thing that really matters I guess is the education of SKILLS that remain in one's brain. The application of the skills that really matters, after all this time. See? School has taught nothing but the skill of being a good copy machine. I'm not really learning. I guess that's what makes most of schools failed to educate us. They're not really try to educate us. All they did were just making us as robots with good memory skills, not debating and elaborating argument skills. We never really taught to think.

I guess that's why training my brain for thinking has been my favorite thing to do after school years because yes :
1. It's pretty new and fun thing to do for me lately (sadly and ironically).
2. Call it a self improvement for me.

Ok I know this is just sad and very humiliating for me as a human being who never really think properly before. But late is always better than never right? Ok I sound so cheesy and defensive rite nao wow you're so helpless, kid.


Sorry for gibberish thought on 3 AM in early morning. Have a pleasant last fasting day in this year. 

Cheers.

18/06/15 0

Daily Design : Payback Sleep!

By Aulia A. Dhianti in , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,


Corel Draw/Adobe Photoshop
18 June 2015

Happy holiday & fasting, fellas! :)

0

Daily Design : Final Madness

By Aulia A. Dhianti in , , , , , , , , , , , ,


Corel Draw/Adobe Photoshop
06 May 2015

03/06/15 0

Self Contemplation #9

By Aulia A. Dhianti

I think I just need someone to talk to.
Pardon my gibberish.
I know you may found me annoying.
I'm sorry.

I want to have a good talk with you more often.
About life.
About choices.
About random stuffs.


And you'll just smiling, answering and responding my gibberish with logic.
I don't know.



I'm sorry.
But I know I'm not allowed to do it anymore.

But, thank you for your time.
So,
see you when I see you?


*look, 'I' is such an egoistic word right?*

0

Self Contemplation #8

By Aulia A. Dhianti in , , , , , ,

Today, I learned that everything has their own limit.

Begadang itu gak baik, guys.
Nanti bisa kena angin duduk.
Syukur-syukur masih bengek.
Kamu bandel.
Iya.
Maaf ya.
Jaga badan baik-baik ya, Li.
Iya.
Terima kasih.

24/04/15 0

Daily Design : 1. Alice

By Aulia A. Dhianti in , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Hello, finally got time for quick updates!
Cartoon-themed doodle sounds fun, eh? 
This week is not so hectic as usual so I decided to make doodle today! 
I wish next week would be this free so I could make another cartoon-themed doodle again.
How's life lately, btw? Mine is hectic as always :")
See you later!


24/04/2015
Corel Draw & Adobe Photoshop

28/03/15 0

Self Contemplation #7 : Promosi

By Aulia A. Dhianti in , , , ,

Hi, in case you're interested, you can check my writing about how robbery (or maybe you're more familiar with the term 'begal') phenomenon were representated and mystified by mass media in here.
Read and left me a comment will do me a favor! :)

Yes, I'm officially part of wepreventcrime now and I'm happy with this! The people are nice and I never thought I would enjoy writing this much! :))

Please kindly check our website too if you don't mind :)

Catch ya later!

1

Self Contemplation #6 : Komunikasi Intrapersonal

By Aulia A. Dhianti in , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Saya sudah lama tertarik dengan ilmu psikologi. Memahami seluk beluk manusia itu menyenangkan. Seperti mempelajari diri sendiri.  Sejak dulu saya memang suka sekali memperhatikan orang lain; interaksi mereka, gestur mereka, hingga memikirkan apa aja sih yang mereka pikirkan. Atau mungkin emang saya aja yang tipe observant sama sekeliling saya. Atau mungkin, saya aja yang terlalu kepo dan gak ada kerjaan. Hehe. Tapi beneran deh, manusia itu menarik banget untuk dipelajari dan dipahami dari sudut mental dan kejiwaannya. Ya intinya sih, manusia itu menarik untuk dipelajari. Ilmu psikologi pun sangat aplikatif, jadi manfaatnya juga bisa langsung dirasakan. Kalo saja ibu saya dulu tidak mengarahkan saya untuk masuk jurusan saya yang sekarang, mungkin saya udah memilih untuk masuk jurusan psikologi. 

Saya selalu tertarik sama interaksi yang dilakukan kita ini sebagai manusia. Sebenernya interaksi manusia yang baik itu seperti apa sih? Selama ini yang saya lihat, dunia dan masyarakat kita terlalu fokus sama interaksi yang dilakukan antar manusia. Komunikasi interpersonal manusia emang banyak ragam dan ceritanya sih ya. Mungkin karena hubungannya emang dinamis dan bersifat resiprokal. Lalu, gimana dengan komunikasi intrapersonal atau interaksi kita dengan diri sendiri? Apa jadi kurang penting adanya? Sebenarnya, saya udah lama tertarik buat mempelajari komunikasi intrapersonal yang dilakukan oleh setiap manusia dengan dirinya. Bagi saya, komunikasi dengan diri sendiri itu lebih penting dibanding komunikasi interpersonal. Ya ini opini aja sih, gak usah dibawa serius. Apalagi dibantah dengan argumen-argumen pedes yang diselingi kutipan-kutipan dari jurnal ya :) Udah bosen dan muak sama kutipan dan segala macem referensi :")
Saya ini orangnya sangat pesimis dan gak pede. Saya sering banget minder sama kekurangan yang saya miliki; entah itu tentang fisik, kemampuan akademis dan hal-hal yang sebenernya gak penting-penting banget buat dipikirin. Orangnya selalu overthinking which is sebenernya gak baik buat kehidupan ya sebenernya. Saya orangnya juga panikan dan kalo panik banget bisa muncul deh sindrom-sindrom gak pedenya. Asma, mau muntah, keringet dingin dan lain-lain. Ribet ya jadi saya?  Jadi mikir, gimana orang lain bisa tahan sama saya ya.. Saya aja capek kadang-kadang sama diri sendiri :)) ((loh baper)) ((yha))

Saya benci banget sama lawakan-lawakan yang udah bawa-bawa soal fisik. Saya pernah mengalami trauma yang cukup lama, sekitar 6 tahun. Lama banget ya ternyata... Gara-gara apa? Mungkin saya emang gak cantik banget kali ya, sampe-sampe temen saya bilang ke saya kalo saya gak pantes buat hidup karena saya jelek. Jahat banget ya? Dan walaupun itu keluar dari mulut anak SMP, tetep aja itu memberi pengaruh besar buat saya. Saya baru bener-bener bisa sedikit keluar dari trauma ini dari tahun 2014, which is tahun lalu. Trauma ini bikin saya melabel ((atau lebih tepatnya stigma, karena konteksnya negatif)) diri saya sendiri ; saya jelek dan gak pantes buat siapa-siapa. Menye banget ya? Tapi ya serius sih, pasti setiap orang juga punya sisi menye masing-masing. Jadi ya ini sisi menye saya, selalu nganggep saya ini jelek tak tertolong. 6 tahun bukan waktu yang sebentar dan bisa keluar dari trauma ini bisa dibilang sebuah perjalanan dan pencapaian yang melelahkan. Karena saya gampang banget goyah dan balik lagi ke lubang yang sama ((yha)). Selama 6 tahun yang penuh hal-hal yang bikin saya suka nangis tiba-tiba ini ((geli banget ya...)) saya seringkali merenung dan mencoba buat melakukan komunikasi intrapersonal sama diri saya sendiri. Saya berulang kali meyakinkan diri saya kalo saya itu gak sejelek yang dibayangkan dan masih banyak hal positif dari saya yang bisa saya banggain dari diri saya sendiri. Begitu pula kalo saya mau melakukan sesuatu di luar zona nyaman saya. Saya pasti jadi pesimis banget dan gak pede; padahal kalo dipikir-pikir ya saya bisa-bisa aja sih melakukannya. Cuma saya aja yang udah keburu takut duluan. Iya saya emang gak rasional, udah mundur duluan sebelum nyoba. Maaf ya. Berulang kali saya coba dan sesering itu pula gagal. Emang kayak fase pertumbuhan ya, akhirnya sampe pada titik dimana saya udah jenuh buat menye-menye sama diri sendiri dan berusaha buat berubah. Komunikasi intrapersonal yang saya lakukan ternyata membuahkan hasil dan hal ini tentu sangat melegakan. Awal pencapaian ini pun gak sengaja, gara-gara saya ketemu quotes di Twitter yang bikin saya sadar kalo selama ini semuanya emang salah saya.




Saya baru sadar kalo selama ini saya juga ikut menjadi bagian dari orang-orang yang bilang saya jelek dan bodoh. Saya baru sadar kalo selama ini saya, secara gak sadar, juga ikut melabel dan menstigma diri saya jelek dan bodoh. Saya sendiri yang melegitimasi kalo saya ini emang jelek dan bodoh. Dan akhirnya stigma itu pun hidup dan tumbuh dalam diri saya. Saya baru sadar kalo selama ini, saya udah jahat banget sama diri saya sendiri. Saya gak ada bedanya sama mereka yang suka ngeledek saya. Saya kasar sama diri saya sendiri. Saya jahat sama diri saya sendiri. Saya gak sayang sama diri saya sendiri. Padahal kalo sama keluarga, temen, dosen atau gebetan sendiri, saya bisa jadi orang yang sedikit atau lebih menyenangkan. Kenapa sih sama diri sendiri aja gak bisa? Kenapa sih saya gak bisa baik sama diri sendiri seperti saya baik dengan orang lain? Kenapa saya gak bisa merasa sayang dengan diri sendiri dibanding sayang sama orang lain?

Saya pun sadar kalo kualitas komunikasi intrapersonal saya jelek banget. Oke lah saya emang selalu  berusaha untuk self-embrace sama diri saya sendiri, selalu berusaha buat meyakinkan diri kalo saya cantik dan mampu. Tapi semuanya wajar aja sia-sia kalo dari pihak saya sendiri gak berusaha buat sayang sama diri saya sendiri. Komunikasi intrapersonal saya harus diubah. Pikiran-pikiran seperti "kamu cantik dan pintar, Li" itu harus ada dasarnya dan dasarnya itu ya rasa sayang sama diri saya sendiri. Komunikasi yang harus saya lakukan tidak hanya harus memberi dukungan moral aja, tapi juga motivasi. Kalo perlu kritik, biar bisa sadar dan maju. Iya, silahkan kritik diri kamu sendiri :)

"Iya, saya tau saya jelek. Terus kenapa? Ada masalah? Toh hidup saya juga baik-baik saja meskipun fisik saya bagai langit dan bumi sama model dan artis di tv. Toh saya juga masih punya temen-temen yang masih mau temenan sama saya meskipun fisik saya se-menjijikan ini. Hidup saya baik-baik saja dan seharusnya saya lebih bersyukur. Bersyukur karena setidaknya masih bisa hidup dan punya fisik yang sempurna. Bersyukur karena saya dikelilingi orang-orang baik yang masih mau jadi bagian dari hidup saya. Bersyukur karena masih punya kelebihan yang lumayan bisa dibanggain. Bersyukur.
Toh sebenernya candaan, sindiran, ejekan atau apapun sebutannya dari mereka yang selalu bilang saya jelek dan bodoh pun sebenernya gak selalu jahat sih. Kalo kamu bisa melihatnya dari sisi positif, Li. Ini sebenernya bisa jadi motivasi buat kamu loh dan mungkin mereka memang ingin kamu jadi lebih baik. Normatif banget ya saya kedengerannya. Tapi ya emang gitu sih kalo mau berpikir positif. Toh kalopun saya sadar kalo saya jelek, cuma nangis dan meratapi nasib aja pun sebenernya haram hukumnya. Ya mbok usaha dikit kek; diet, dandan atau paling gak sisiran yang rapi kalo mau keluar rumah. Gimana mau bikin orang lain bisa nganggep kita cantik dan pinter kalo kitanya emang berantakan dan males belajar? Serasa ditampar sama diri saya sendiri, saya akhirnya sadar kalo saya gak boleh manja dan kalah sama keadaan. Seenggaknya, saya lebih pantes buat nangis kalo saya udah usaha dan ternyata emang masih dianggap jelek atau gagal sama orang lain. Wake up, Li. Semua fasilitas yang kamu butuhin udah tersedia. Tinggal kalahin gengsi dan rasa males aja buat usaha kok, gak butuh apa-apa lagi. Pun cantik itu relatif, meskipun saya lebih yakin kalo jelek itu mutlak dan kadang-kadang cantik juga bisa mutlak buat beberapa orang :) Hegemoni interpretasi oleh media emang dahsyat banget ya sampe-sampe bikin persepsi orang tentang cantik jadi seragam. Padahal kalo dipikir-pikir, ini semua akarnya ya dari patriarki ((udah kemakan doktrinisasi dari kuliah feminis, maaf ya)) dan semua perempuan pada dasarnya gak butuh justifikasi siapapun buat percaya dirinya cantik. Begitu juga dengan menjadi pinter. Saya mungkin emang gak terlalu pinter, tapi gak butuh justifikasi dari IP tinggi juga buat ngerasa pinter. Sayangnya di lingkungan kampus saya, semua hal akademis masih diukur dengan standar IP yang tinggi sih ya. Padahal ini semua gak terlepas juga dari faktor hoki dapet dosen baik atau mungkin kamu emang tekstual banget anaknya ngikutin apa kata buku. Jurusan saya ya gitu, terlalu banyak teori makanya kuliah saya bakal jauh lebih mudah dijalani kalo saya penghapal yang baik. Padahal, kebanyakan teori juga gak bagus dan cuma bikin kita jadi generasi penghapal juga. Pas udah turun di dunia kerja baru deh sadar kalo kita gak bakal ditanyain siapa penemu teori ini atau kenapa teori ini bisa begini. Ya,teori emang penting sih, tapi saya juga butuh ilmu yang lebih terapan dibanding teoritis... Ah sudahlah."



Kira-kira begitu isi dari komunikasi intrapersonal yang saya lakukan. Lebih realistis dan kadang-kadang terkesan jahat ya? Saya juga bingung kenapa gak dari dulu saya mikir begini dan malah terjebak sama ratapan gak jelas yang bikin saya makin keliatan menjijikan. Aduh saya jadi malu sama diri sendiri. Postingan ini juga kayaknya self-centered banget ya ujung-ujungnya? Tapi gapapa, kamu bisa ambil pelajarannya tentang komunikasi intrapersonalnya ya :)) Curcol saya biarin aja, sekali-kali gapapa ya :) Dengan komunikasi intrapersonal ini, saya pun jadi berusaha memahami dan mencintai diri saya sendiri. Saya jadi sadar bahwa untuk bisa berinteraksi lebih baik dengan manusia lainnya, kita harus memahami dan bersahabat dengan diri kita sendiri dulu. Kalo mau mempelajari, mencintai, bersahabat dll dengan manusia lain, taklukkan dulu monster yang bernama diri sendiri ini. Dan sumpah, ngomong dengan diri sendiri gak bikin kalian gila kok. Justru kamu jadi tau apa aja sih yang bener-bener kalian butuhin. Dan sumpah, hubungan kamu dengan orang lain pun saya yakin bisa jadi lebih baik kalo kamu sendiri juga mengerti diri kamu sendiri. Karena diri kamu sendiri yang sebetulnya paling mengerti tentang apa yang kamu butuhkan, bukan orang lain. 

Catch ya later!





17/03/15 0

Self Contemplation #5

By Aulia A. Dhianti

I know, I don't need anyone's approval to justify I'm pretty, nice and worthy.
But sometimes, a simple recognition would be nice and such a warm favor to heart.

26/02/15 0

Daily Submissions : Jupe, Retna & Tasha

By Aulia A. Dhianti in , , , , , , , , , , ,


Jupe//Riska
16/01/2015


Retna
11/02/2015


Tasha
26/02/2015

Have a lovely ceremonial day, guys :))
((Kapan y gue bikin buat diri gue sendiri)) ((yha)) ((sudahlah))

05/02/15 0

Self Contemplation #4 : :)

By Aulia A. Dhianti in , , , , , ,

Well, hello.
For the first person that crossed my mind this night and honestly, in all those blue nights. (which is I don't know if you knew it already; or maybe it's just none of your interest, at all).
Sorry for rumbling words in broken english like this. I know you're all much better at grammar or English in general. Yes, I may sound so stereotypical but your major says it all.
Sorry for being so creepy. I never been a mushy person or a big fan of lovey dovey post but still this phase of life is finally hit me at this time. This is just inevitable.
Sorry for rumbling words that I know you may probably would laughed, hate or pity myself. I just can't help myself for not doing this.

Because the feeling become much bigger and I can not control this.

So,
thank you for all kindness you gave to me.
It's pretty sweet to know that in your last note, you let me know that you noticed my favorite band



You remember and know the details of me. That's the sweetest thing a person could ever done to me. 
Nobody ever care about the details about myself, actually. Maybe that's because I'm a boring and unimportant person to them; so they don't even bother to care about my favorite bands, my fetish for number 9 or even my fondness to black cats. It's such a heartwarming thing to know that finally someone ever notice my kind of things. Thank you. I'm happy.

I don't know what hit me this night but I feel like write this post for you. You've been so sincere and remaining so calm until the last time, eh? Or maybe I just don't know you better? Well, it's no wonder since we're almost never talk to each other. All we have done were just forced smiles and awkward greetings. Or maybe that small chat which you congratulated my birthday last September (we're born in the same month, in case you want to know hehe). Or maybe when... Hmmm no, I can't be too explicit about this. 

You've always been that awkward and calm person in our circle yet so lovable to us. And I don't even know why (and I guess you may think I'm a total weirdo), I found it to be so cute. And, I want to know more about you. I even type your name on Google, stalk you in your social medias, etc. I'm very sorry for doing all of these psycho things but I just don't know what to do. I just don't have any particular reason of why I should ask about you from your friends or my friends that know you. I'm such a shameful person, right? It's okay, you may call me whatever you like, anyways. I'm sorry.

You're that mysterious, so hard to find and also meet, even in our campus. Me myself, I like to challenge myself for searching things about anyone (I'm a very curious person, sorry). And when it comes to you, I found it's very hard to do because you're that hard to know. And this "challenge" were slowly drowning me.

I want to know more about you. But I can't. I just can't. And that's frustrating. And I think it's because I slowly started to develop feelings for you. Okay, this is awkward. This is like me, proposing you to be my romance partner. But no, I'm just being honest here. And this kind of post is the rarest shit you'll ever get from someone whose pride is higher than any mountains in the world. Even my ex boyfriend never got anything like this. You're lucky or just simply cursed for getting something like this from someone like me; that's the eternal question. I'm ugly and I hope my ugliness is not offending you by any means because all of this shit I wrote to you.

Anyway, congratulations. I read your wish for last year yesterday. You wrote you want to go abroad, right? Congrats, man, you've finally checked the list! You're that great, man, and you totally deserved it. There are so many things I want to tell you. But I can't. Maybe some words better left unspoken, in anyways. Or maybe we're just not meant to cross our paths together. I don't know. Maybe it's better to be like this. Just to let you know, I always try to gave my best smile when I met you. Maybe it doesn't matter, anymore. But thank you for making me try.

I hope you all the joy and happiness in life. Graduate soon, young man. You have so many great 
things in yourself and you should be proud of that. Don't be too shy or awkward. You're lovely and people should know that. You need to chillax, man. Chill and relax... Hmmm, pardon my sense of humor. 

Hmmm.
Hmmmm.
Hmmmmm.
I don't know what to write anymore. I just hope the best thing will always comes to you. Thank you. Thank you for everything. You just have no idea about this feeling. But thank you, anyways.

Because maybe, we are accidents waiting to happen.
Or maybe I'm just a creep and don't belong here.


Next time we meet, let's talk about Radiohead and let's see which album you like from them. Radiohead is gold; I hope you think so too.


And I like Muse, too.
Keane.
Or even Lily Allen. (See how further I stalked about you).

See you when I see you, then?
And yes, see you on top, man! :)



For Muhammad Afiat Anang Luqmana. Thank you!


05/10/14 0

Daily Design : Quick Updates!

By Aulia A. Dhianti in , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Whoa, dusty blog I got here.
Anyway, hi folks! Long time no post, eh? I just want to post some updates  (well, all of them are designs I made, actually) which happened up from my last post (which is last April, right?) until now. Some designs are prohibited to share so I'm not gonna post them here because I'm afraid something disgrace would happen while some of my designs are pretty much permissive and allowable to be shared (according to me :p). Ah, I wish I could be more multitasking so these designs task wouldn't bothered me that much.


So,
how's life treating you lately, dear? Me? Hectic as usual, but oh well, I love being busy.


Submission for Ayu ; Second Monthsarry ///Doain gue juga dapet pacar ya, Yu...... :")///
14/04/2014


Brochure for Official Merchandise of FISIP Universitas Indonesia
13/06/2014


Submission for Tasha.
27/09/2014.



Submission for Lulu ; Pramoedya Ananta Toer.
21/07/2014.


Happy Bday, Refaya Ulina Meliala!!
13/04/2014.


Smell ya later, guys.

Aulia Soemantrihardjo 2010.Stealing is a CRIME. Diberdayakan oleh Blogger.