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05/02/15 0

Self Contemplation #4 : :)

By Aulia A. Dhianti in , , , , , ,

Well, hello.
For the first person that crossed my mind this night and honestly, in all those blue nights. (which is I don't know if you knew it already; or maybe it's just none of your interest, at all).
Sorry for rumbling words in broken english like this. I know you're all much better at grammar or English in general. Yes, I may sound so stereotypical but your major says it all.
Sorry for being so creepy. I never been a mushy person or a big fan of lovey dovey post but still this phase of life is finally hit me at this time. This is just inevitable.
Sorry for rumbling words that I know you may probably would laughed, hate or pity myself. I just can't help myself for not doing this.

Because the feeling become much bigger and I can not control this.

So,
thank you for all kindness you gave to me.
It's pretty sweet to know that in your last note, you let me know that you noticed my favorite band



You remember and know the details of me. That's the sweetest thing a person could ever done to me. 
Nobody ever care about the details about myself, actually. Maybe that's because I'm a boring and unimportant person to them; so they don't even bother to care about my favorite bands, my fetish for number 9 or even my fondness to black cats. It's such a heartwarming thing to know that finally someone ever notice my kind of things. Thank you. I'm happy.

I don't know what hit me this night but I feel like write this post for you. You've been so sincere and remaining so calm until the last time, eh? Or maybe I just don't know you better? Well, it's no wonder since we're almost never talk to each other. All we have done were just forced smiles and awkward greetings. Or maybe that small chat which you congratulated my birthday last September (we're born in the same month, in case you want to know hehe). Or maybe when... Hmmm no, I can't be too explicit about this. 

You've always been that awkward and calm person in our circle yet so lovable to us. And I don't even know why (and I guess you may think I'm a total weirdo), I found it to be so cute. And, I want to know more about you. I even type your name on Google, stalk you in your social medias, etc. I'm very sorry for doing all of these psycho things but I just don't know what to do. I just don't have any particular reason of why I should ask about you from your friends or my friends that know you. I'm such a shameful person, right? It's okay, you may call me whatever you like, anyways. I'm sorry.

You're that mysterious, so hard to find and also meet, even in our campus. Me myself, I like to challenge myself for searching things about anyone (I'm a very curious person, sorry). And when it comes to you, I found it's very hard to do because you're that hard to know. And this "challenge" is slowly drowning me.

I want to know more about you. But I can't. I just can't. And that's frustrating. And I think it's because I slowly started to develop feelings for you. Okay, this is awkward. This is like me, proposing you to be my romance partner. But no, I'm just being honest here. And this kind of post is the rarest shit you'll ever get from someone whose pride is higher than any mountains in the world. Even my ex boyfriend never got anything like this. You're lucky or just simply cursed for getting something like this from someone like me; that's the eternal question. I'm ugly and I hope my ugliness is not offending you by any means because all of this shit I wrote to you.

Anyway, congratulations. I read your wish for last year yesterday. You wrote you want to go abroad, right? Congrats, man, you've finally checked the list! You're that great, man, and you totally deserved it. There are so many things I want to tell you. But I can't. Maybe some words better left unspoken, in anyways. Or maybe we're just not meant to cross our paths together. I don't know. Maybe it's better to be like this. Just to let you know, I always try to gave my best smile when I met you. Maybe it doesn't matter, anymore. But thank you for making me try.

I wish you all the joy and happiness in life. Graduate soon, young man. You have so many great 
things in yourself and you should be proud of that. Don't be too shy or awkward. You're lovely and people should know that. You need to chillax, man. Chill and relax... Hmmm, pardon my sense of humor. 

Hmmm.
Hmmmm.
Hmmmmm.
I don't know what to write anymore. I just hope the best thing will always comes to you. Thank you. Thank you for everything. You just have no idea about this feeling. But thank you, anyways.

Because maybe, we are accidents waiting to happen.
Or maybe I'm just a creep and don't belong here.


Next time we meet, let's talk about Radiohead and let's see which album you like from them. Radiohead is gold; I hope you think so too.


And I like Muse, too.
Keane.
Or even Lily Allen. (See how further I stalked about you).

See you when I see you, then?
And yes, see you on top, man! :)

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